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We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis.

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Good question. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked lovingly and subjectively on how likely you are to end up takin' old Adult personals charleston utah to the optometrist.

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Hey, gotta quench that thirst somehow—what's that famous Mother Teresa quote? Oh yes: Hey, you've heard of Twine —right?

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Adult personals charleston utah can talk to a person, but can't see what they look like. The likelihood of getting out of your house and into a restaurant is high, but—face it—this isn't You've Got Mail. You're not going to find your Tom Hanks with this app.

The Afult review on the app's page summarizes it nicely: Don't waste your money like I did. The transition from desktop to mobile for websites is a bit like the great change from silent films to talkies during the late s.

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Some film stars made it and some didn't—take Buster Keaton, for example, he tried singing. Didn't work. Yada yada yada, now he's dead.

People want sex chsrleston they want it now—from the Adult personals charleston utah the app is downloaded to the moment of the actual date, the number of steps is, frankly, too high. You have to sign up, write a profile, sift through other profiles—the average millennial's attention span is about the size of the period at the end of this sentence. Mixxxer Adult personals charleston utah the carefree sentiment of casual swiping and Sacramento horny women it with the high-octane close-up shots of vulvas that you see persinals sites like LiveJasmin.

Unless you like prostitutes—I mean, that's guaranteed sex right there.

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Are you into prostitutes? OkCupid became less of a hookup app and more of a—ew—relationship app.

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Up top, braaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Like Beanie Babies were supposed to do in the 21st century, Hot or Not made a legit comeback with its app.

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Except maybe the actual act of sex itself. Let it be known that Luxy only ranks high in this list because hundred-dollar bills are a straight-up aphrodisiac in America.

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This isn't Utah. Grouper is reminiscent of that episode of The Simpsons where Mr.

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You're set up on a foursome with a friend and two charlestln people and are told to go into a restaurant until sparks fly. The thing about rich tech kids, though?

They're horny and love drinking. So when four aroused like-minded individuals are in an enclosed Adult personals charleston utah under the guise of bragging about their startup until someone's pants come off Tinder is about as 21st century as it gets. It's literally shopping for people.

Sickening, right? Tinder has become tricky in Adult personals charleston utah sense that some people have caught on and realized there are decent human being on this app Just cgarleston, you probably won't get murdered. When you have a successful business and a whittled-down user population, you're going to have one successful hookup app.

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Grindr actually predates Tinder by three years Adult personals charleston utah absolutely nailed the dating game by simply giving people what they want: Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor Acult Supercompressor and often wonders why people don't utilize the fax machine more for sexting.

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Share on Facebook Pin it. Twine Hey, you've heard of Twine —right? Revealr Some people stick to their guns when they say they don't care about looks—and bless their hearts. Plenty of Fish The transition from desktop to mobile for websites is a bit like the great change from silent films Adult personals charleston utah talkies during the late s.

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Grouper Grouper is reminiscent of that episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Tinder Tinder is about as 21st century as it gets.

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